My Very Own Sophie's Choice

Ok, everyone, I know there has been a lot of speculation and tittle tattle out there, so I am just going to come out and officially release my statement on this controversial topic. After countless hours spent doing research to officially come to this decision, I can safely say that I am firm in my conclusion: TV is better than movies. Let’s take a look at my findings on the matter:
1. Where have all the new plots gone? I am becoming increasingly disappointed in the level of creativity being exhibited in movies. My heart literally bled when I heard they were remaking Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. (I swear if anyone who has ever been on the Disney Channel is in this someone is going to get fork stabbed. That goes doubly if said twit is wearing a large cricket in her hair. Some things are sacred.) Why can’t they lay off the classics? Footloose? Romancing the Stone? MY FAIR LADY? For shame. And the thing that really gets my goat is that I will probably go see all of them. I’m weak. Now I realize that television is starting to follow suit (Hawaii 5-O, Rockford Files, and Nikita, I’m talking to you!), but I still don’t see them to be quite as guilty in this respect.
2. TV is the Everlasting Gobstopper of entertainment. With this statement, I am referring to the hypothetical candy in the 1971 classic film that is actually everlasting. Layer upon layer of sugary goodness until you reach the center years later or you accidentally swallow it (cancellation). Movies are like the Gobstopper that you can buy at your local grocery store: finished in two bites.
3. I believe the children are our future, and we are insulting their intelligence by making every movie for them in 3D. In my day, we watched our cartoons in 2D and we paid a lot less to watch them! TV shows aren’t resorting to these gimmicks… yet. And I wish they would stop trying.
4. Step it Up 2: The Streets, Movies! I speak here in generalities, but I have been more impressed with the quality of TV being produced than that being exhibited in movies. Granted the trash on TV is much more disheartening than that in theatres, but I would hope that movies would try harder to match some of the greatness that is on TV right now.
5. Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger… I really have nothing to say here except that TV has affordability strongly in its favor, and movies are getting pretty greedy.
Movies were my first love. I could never forget the good times that we have shared. They will always be a huge part of my life and as per the divorce settlement, I will still be spending way too much on them every month. Maybe you will say that I am siding with TV because my feelings are fresh and new, but say what you will. All I know is I feel young again when I am with TV, and it gives me what I need in a relationship…with an entertainment medium. You can look forward to our Christmas letter.

I See Fake People.

I had a rough night last night. After watching “Fashion Police: Primetime Emmys Edition” like I did, you would have, too. First, let’s move past the part where we judge me for watching anything on E! besides The Soup. And no, the fashion was not SO horrible that it caused night terrors. No, it was this:

Yes, my night was filled with Gangy – esque hauntings. Why are we still letting Joan Rivers on the air? Why are we as a society encouraging this kind of behavior? And I am not only talking about the dozens of face lifts. She is mean! She said that Anna Paquin must have bought her teeth at the Gap. Really, Joan? We’re going to go there? Where did you buy your face? A Tupperware party? Oh, snap!!